- mom: hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
- son: of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
- mom: of course son. be careful it is very spicy
- son: *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
- dad: ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
- son: thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
- dad: we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
- mom: i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
- son: we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
- dad: great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
- son: golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition
Mitt Romney spent over 800 Million not to become president. I spent no money for the same result. Who’s the better businessman?
i hate it when adults assume i’m on the internet all the time by choice. if i had enough money to travel around and etc, do you think i would be withering away my youth behind a computer screen you useless paperclip.
I dont think i have ever heard the term useless paperclip used as an insult before.
clearly you never tried to write a word document in the 90s
"why didn’t you do your homework over the holidays?"
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen
literally me if i get married
- White people: We don't want any black people in our clubs, bars, parties, restaurants, schools, government, banks, neighborhoods, or offices
- Black people: Well fuck ya'll then. We can go start our own shit that's just for black people and nobody else.
- White people: ......
- White people: Wow, excluding people based solely on their skin color? That's really racist and I am personally offended. How would you feel if we did that to you?
Being a nice person is so fun
Waiter messes something up? You can see the relief on their faces when you don’t scream and swear at them about it
Extra tickets at an arcade/prize place? Watch a little kid’s face light up when you give them a bunch of tickets
There are too many assholes in this world. Be a nice person.
You have no idea how long I’ve waited for someone to STATE THE DAMN OBVIOUS
this will never not make me laugh
Time, we can never escape from it. It changes everything and everyone.
i dont know that pen looks perfectly ok
the pen actually changes mentally, it takes up smoking and get’s in with a bad crowd. we are all worried about the pen
when people ask you how school is:
The new harry potter movie looks great
yo but this says so much about rape when a woman would literally rather be around a murderer than a rapist